Can you believe we’re already into week 3 of this series?! I have really enjoyed sharing with you guys and I am loving all the feedback and comments!! If you missed previous posts in this series and want to look back on Week 1 or Week 2, you can find them under the Inspiration tab at the top of the page. This week we’re delving into the topic of toxic relationships. Again, this is something that I feel everyone can relate to, so let’s jump right in I can’t wait to get started!
It’s Never Too Late to End a Toxic Relationship
I’m really excited to talk about this weeks topic because I think we have all encountered a person we find toxic to our mental health. Keep in mind a toxic relationship doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships.. It can be a friend or even a family member. We may consider someone toxic because of their negativity, maybe they undermine our best efforts, or maybe they just out right bring us down. Whatever the case, we tend to stay in toxic relationships because it’s easier than leaving. I mean, how are you supposed to tell someone you care about that you can’t be around them anymore because they’re a Negative Nelly or Debbie Downer?
I ended two toxic friendships last year because I decided that life was too short to be in a situation that made me unhappy and left me feeling emotionally drained. I had a love/hate relationship with both of these people. It was always a great idea to get together in theory, but once there I was counting down the minutes until I could leave. And for me that’s not the kind of friendship I want to have. Chances are you know if you’re in a toxic relationship, but. If you’re not sure here are 5 signs to look out for.
5 Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship
1. It seems you can’t do anything right. Are you constantly being criticized or judged for your choices and/or actions? No matter what you say or do, is it never enough?
2. Everything is always about them and it is never about you. Are they constantly talking about themselves? When you try to steer to topic of conversation toward yourself, do they blow you off and bring the focus back to themselves?
3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person. Is it hard to have fun with them because of their negativity or judgmental attitude? Do they shoot down your ideas for things to try or do?
4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around them. Are you afraid to express yourself because their reaction toward you is always negative? Do they criticize any and/or everything that make you who you are?
5. You’re not allowed to grow and change. Do they squash your hopes and dreams? Are they unsupportive of your attempt to grow and better yourself? Do they try to hold you back from being a better person?
Did you know you even can be in a toxic relationship with yourself? If you negative self-talk, such as “I ate the whole thing. I’m so fat”, “Why did I say that, what’s wrong with me?”, “I can’t believe I did that, I’m so stupid” are all forms of negative self-talk and put you in a negative relationship with yourself. Are you supporting of everyone around you, but yourself? Do you find yourself thinking “Wow, she’s so strong and amazing. I could never do that”?
If you were nodding your head in agreement with any of the 5 signs listed above, then chances are you’re in a toxic relationship. So you know you’re in a toxic relationship and you’ve decided you want OUT. What’s next?
7 Steps to Ending a Toxic Relationship
1. Accept the fact that you’re in a toxic relationship. Ask yourself, are you drained or energized when around this person? Do you consistently go to them for a response that you never get? Are you always disappointed by their actions and commentary? Are you giving more than you get out of the relationship?
2. Understand what you get out of it. Now that we’ve identified the negatives, let’s talk positives. And yes, no matter how toxic the relationship you are getting some benefit from it or you wouldn’t stay. Is hearing about their out of control life time consuming and emotionally draining, but secretly you feel superior9?
3. Fill the void. You need to find something POSITIVE to fill the void that no longer having that toxic person in your life will leave behind. Whether that be another person, hobby, or activity. You need something or someone to give you the positivity you were getting from that toxic person.
4. Soak up the positive vibes. Surround yourself with positive people who have firm boundaries and are not part of toxic relationships themselves. You would be surprised how people who are part of their own toxic relationships can bleed into your life. Being friends with positive people and belonging to positive groups
5. Reward yourself. Ending toxic relationships can be hard so take it slow. Try not texting that person for a week. If you’re successful treat yourself to a girls night with at least one of your other friends. If your toxic person regularly asks for favors and you’re able to say no several times, then treat yourself to that shirt you’ve been wanting or necklace you’ve had your eye on.
6. Positive declarations. In my opinion we should all be doing this anyway, but especially during this time you need to remind yourself of your worth. Think of a mantra you can say to yourself every day or when you’re strength is waining. It can be something you’ve heard somewhere before “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” Or personalize it for your own needs, and make it something you can really connect with.
7. Heal. Ending a toxic relationship is work and emotionally draining, so feel free to take a step back so that you can mentally and emotionally recharge. Do things that nourish your soul like meditation or taking up yoga. Read a positive book. Volunteer.
If you’re in a toxic relationship I hope you consider getting out of it. It’s not healthy for you mentally or emotionally and whether you believe it or not, you deserve better! This is the only life we’re blessed with and it’s up to you to live your very best life.
Are you in a toxic relationship or have you gotten out of one before? Let me know in the comments below! As always, thanks so much for stopping by and please share if you found this useful!